Harry Potter's One Last Breath
by JM-Anakin-Solo
Summary: Built around the song: One Last Breath by Creed. Harry/Hermione fic INCLUDES OOTP SPOILERS


Harry didn't know what to think, everything was so jumbled in his mind lately. Seeing Sirius die... it had been too much and had nearly sent Harry over the edge. Sirius' death had started his descent into self-pity and depression and... then he remembered. It wasn't Sirius that had started it, he had only accelerated it, as Cedric had before him. Voldemort had started it. 

Voldemort had chosen Harry to be his equal. He had marked Harry, fating him to either kill or be killed, there was no escape for Harry. No returning to his muggle life. No running from his fate. 

Sirius' death had been hard enough but Dumbledore had to make it harder, didn't he? Oh, how Harry _hated_ Dumbledore right now. Harry lost control of his anger for a moment and threw Hedwig's cage against the wall denting some of the bars. Luckily, Hedwig was out hunting, but Harry didn't care. He controlled himself, but it did nothing to lessen his hatred of that man, that _Dumbledore_.

__

Everything in Harry's life could be blamed on Dumbledore. Harry's parents had been killed because Dumbledore hadn't thought to interview Trelawney at the school, but rather chose a room over a pub. What was he thinking? Harry asked himself. 

Harry had been abused nonstop until the age of eleven because of Dumbledore. Sure, that ancient spell of _Love_ had come in handy, but surely Dumbledore had seen Harry abused and might've stopped it. _Why didn't he just make himself a Secret-Keeper and send me to live with the Weasleys? _Harry asked himself. His face was going red as he started to lose control again.

__

And he never told me the most important thing of my entire existence, Harry hung his head as he thought this. "That I must kill, or be killed, _murder_ or be murdered," Harry whispered to himself.

"Look at all I've done for him," Harry said, his voice rising. "I beat Voldemort to the Philosopher's Stone," he began to tick things off on his fingers, "I defeated Tom Riddle and a basilisk and saved Ginny, single-handedly I might add! I repelled a hundred dementors with a charm most adult wizards could only _dream of_!" Harry was breathing slowly, his anger barely under wrap. "I won the Tri Wizard Tournament, beat a dragon and DUELED VOLDEMORT!" He was yelling now. "I SAW CEDRIC KILLED, THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, NO CHANCE TO DEFEND HIMSELF OR TO RUN!! I SAW MY GODFATHER AND ONLY REMAINING FAMILY KILLED BECAUSE DUMBLEDORE SHOWED UP TOO DAMN LATE!!"

"AND I'VE BEEN MARKED THE BLOODY SAVIOR OF THE WIZARD RACE!!!" Harry forced himself to breathe slowly. "And he couldn't trust me, he couldn't tell me what was happening to me, why I was hurting and suffering and _dreaming_," he winced as he said the last word. No matter what Dumbledore said Harry knew Sirius' death would always be his own fault because he hadn't realized his dreams were a trap.

"Harry?" came an unusually soft voice from the other side of his door. It was Aunt Petunia; she and the rest of the Dursleys had been nice to him ever since their confrontation with the wizards watching over Harry at King's Cross. His aunt knocked gently. "Are you all right, then?" she asked through the closed door.

"JUST PEACHY!!" Harry yelled as he lost his temper once more. He grabbed Hedwig's cage and threw it at the door, making a loud noise. He heard Aunt Petunia gasp, but she didn't say anything else and just left him alone.

Harry had had enough. He grabbed a quill and some parchment and began writing his letter of withdrawal from Hogwarts. Harry couldn't stand to see the headmaster once more. He started scribbling, furiously stabbing the parchment and dropping ink everywhere. He didn't notice the mess he was making, he was only thinking about his future. _And then I can lie low for a year_, he thought. _When I turn seventeen I'll get tested to Apparate and I'll be clear to use magic again. One year's not too long to wait_. But Harry knew it was. _Maybe I can transfer to Durmstrang_, he thought, _Yeah that would be nice!_

When he finished the letter he noticed that it was unreadable, the ink was everywhere. Harry looked at the mess of ink and wanted to cry, he was so angry he couldn't even resign properly. He had his head in his hands again not knowing how he felt. He was angry, sad, scared all at once. 

Then he had an idea, he'd write to Hermione, she'd be able to help him. Burning the parchment before him, he reached into is trunk and grabbed some more and wrote to Hermione.

Hermione,

I'm really lost and confused. Please don't tell Ron, or anyone else, but I'm withdrawing from Hogwarts. I just don't think I can take Dumbledore's lies anymore. I wouldn't even be telling you, except that I'm so angry I can't think straight and need help writing my withdrawal letter. Just send me a letter I can sign my name to back with Hedwig.

Love,

Harry

Should he sign it 'Love, Harry'? At this moment Harry didn't really care at all. He rolled up the parchment and stuck it to Hedwig's waiting leg, she had just flown in through his window and moments later was gone and soaring back into the night.

Harry plopped on his bad, too angry to undress or pull the covers back, and just glared at the ceiling, focusing on his hate of Dumbledore until he fell asleep.

He was woken early by Hedwig, who had just returned and started pecking him. 

"Stop," Harry said pushing her off his arm. Then he saw she had Hermione's reply, but it was too small to be a withdrawal letter. Uneasily, Harry untied to the parchment and unrolled it. It was hastily written, but perfectly legible.

Harry,

Stay where you are and don't do anything stupid. I'm on my way!

Love,

Hermione

"Great," Harry mumbled to himself. Now she would be coming to talk him out of it, and she would probably be telling everyone, everything. Harry thought about just leaving Privet drive now, but decided not to. Deep down, he knew he desperately wanted Hermione to come. His letter had been a cry for help, and being the great friend she was, she had answered. Resigned to her coming shortly Harry fell back asleep.

[

Please come now, I think I'm falling

I'm holding on to all I think is safe

]

"Harry," a voice whispered into his ear. He felt someone shaking him gently and he woke up. It was Hermione. She smiled at him when he woke and he could see an unfamiliar broomstick in the corner of his room. "It's mine," she said excitedly when she saw him looking at the broom, "my parent's finally decided it was time for me to have one." 

"When did you get here?" Harry asked.

"Just now. I flew in through your open window and then I woke you up," Hermioned winked, making Harry smile. "I know what great gits these Dursleys are and decided I didn't want to wake them early on a Saturday."

"It's Saturday, is it?" Harry asked, honestly having no idea what day of the week it was. His smile faded.

She was beaming at him, but then her face turned serious.

"Harry, you cannot leave Hogwarts," she said resolutely.

"And why the hell not?" Harry was getting hot now.

"Because we need you!" she said loudly. Then she whispered, "I need you."

"Well, you'll all just have to learn to live without me 'cause I'm leaving. I'm leaving Hogwarts and _everything_!"

Hermione looked near tears. "You can't..." she said in a soft voice.

"Listen Hermione, I thought this was the right path for me, but it's not. I don't know where I'm going and from what I can already see I don't want to _be there_!" He was breathing heavily again. "You don't know what it's been like." He spoke fast to keep her quiet. "Yes, you were there, but not for all of it. There's things I haven't told you, or anybody else.... I can't take it Hermione."

"But Dumbledore..." Hermione started.

Harry's green eyes burned into her. "Don't say that name in front of me!" Harry said through clenched teeth. "Dumbledore is the reason I'm like this," he motioned to his scar. "Because of saint Dumbledore, I have no parents. Because of Dumbledore these gits (he motioned to the people he shared the house with) have been able to abuse me all my life! Because of Dumbledore Sirius is dead! And because of Dumbledore, I must... I-I..." his voice trailed off.

"What do you have to do?" Hermione pressed.

"NOTHING!" Harry yelled. "I-I'm sorry, Hermione. It's not something I've told anybody, and I really don't think I can talk about it."

She looked into his eyes and sat down on his bed beside him, draping her arm over his shoulder and looking him in the eyes. "Harry, you can tell me _anything_."

Harry looked into her eyes and knew instantly he could, but he was still angry and wanted others to hurt like him. "Yeah," he said sarcastically, "I'm sure you told everyone about my last letter."

"I DID NOT!" she said angrily.

Harry felt instantly bad and looked away from her eyes. "It doesn't matter anyway because I'm not doing it. I'm leaving and never looking back. I thought this was the life I wanted... but I know now that it isn't." Harry's voice trailed off and he laid back down on his bed, Hermione still sitting at the edge.

[

It seems I found the road to nowhere

And I'm trying to escape

]

"You're just running from your troubles," Hermione preached, "you can't run forever."

"Watch me," Harry said softly, staring at the ceiling.

Hermione was trying to think of what to say, but Harry spoke first. "I've stood and fought Voldemort before, I-I don't think I can take the pressure anymore."

"Then share it," she said, "share the pressure with those that love you: Ron, Dumbledore, and _me._" She tried to catch his eye with her last word but he was oblivious. She sighed.

"I'm not afraid, really," he said after a few moments. "Just tired." He sighed. "I'm tired of facing Voldemort and reliving my parents' murder, seeing friends and family hurt and killed. I've stood before him and..." Harry just shook his head.

[

I yelled back when I heard thunder

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

]

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Help me..." his voice trailed off. Hermione looked into his brilliant green eyes and saw a tear rolling down his cheek. "I don't know what to do anymore." He wiped the tear from his face and continued staring at the ceiling.

[

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge

And I'm thinking,

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

]

Hermione watched for a moment as his eyes followed some unknown pattern on the ceiling, then she too laid down on his bed. She put her head on his shoulder and her arm across his stomach. "I will _always_ be here for you Harry." She comforted him by rubbing his stomach then said, "Tell me what's bothering you, Harry."

Harry felt awkward with Hermione laying on his shoulder, but he needed to get a lot off his chest. "Sirius is dead, Cedric is dead... it's all my fault.

"I should've realized my dreams were a trap... you did," Harry said, "I should have listened."

"Maybe you should have," Hermione agreed. "But I might have been wrong. Harry, you had to go." She looked up to his face. "That night, I knew you had to. I was just trying to get you to consider other possibilities so you might not be surprised if things weren't as you expected."

"But you _were_ right."

"So what?" Hermione asked. "Either of us could have been right, you did what you had to."

"I've messed up so much lately," Harry spoke softly.

[

I'm looking down, now that it's over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

]

"I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was the _Invincible Harry Potter_," he spoke disgustedly. "I thought I would never be wrong, but I think I proved just how wrong I could be."

[

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

]

"But, you weren't always wrong Harry," Hermione reminded him. "How many people would be dead if you hadn't realized someone was going to steal the Philosopher's Stone?"

"But I thought it was Snape," Harry said, "Which is another mistake."

"Doesn't matter. You still knew _something_ was up and you did something about it.

"And Ginny would thank you for all you've done," she reminded him. "If you hadn't figured out the Chamber of Secrets, she'd be dead! I think all the Weasleys thank you for that!"

Harry just shook his head. "I'm so confused, Hermione. I'm not sure which way is up and I feel like I'm sinking..."

[

I cried out 'Heaven save me!'

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

]

"I need help --"

"And that's what I'll give you Harry," Hermione interrupted. "We all love you, we want to help you."

Harry wrapped his arm around Hermione and held her tight.

[

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge

And I'm thinking,

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

]

"I-I think I'm ready to tell you."

"Tell me? What?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"What Dumbledore says I m-must do..." Harry was looking directly into her eyes.

"Dumbledore told me that Voldemort marked me as his equal when he tried to kill me, fulfilling a prophecy. Not intentionally, of course, but nonetheless he did." Harry had to pause for a moment before he could continue. "Dumbledore said, he said that the rest of the prophecy says I must kill Voldemort... or be killed by Voldemort." Harry looked back at the ceiling.

The two remained silent for awhile.

"Harry," Hermione said reluctantly, "you can't run from that." She was sad and looking into his eyes. "Voldemort will never leave you alone... and if you leave school..."

"I know," Harry said. "I-I just don't... do you know how hard it is to know you _must_ kill? People already look at me funny and stare at my scar. They all do it, they don't know how self-conscious it makes me feel. They all pity me, but they don't know the half of it," his voice trailed off again. 

He had turned his eyes back to Hermione and noticed she wasn't looking at his scar at all. She was staring right back into his green eyes, and he knew she would never look at him like everyone else did.

[

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there's something left for you and me

So please come stay with me

'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me

]

"Everyone," he continued, "except _you_." He looked into her beautiful brown orbs. He'd never noticed before just _how_ beautiful they were. "You've never looked at me like that..." he almost whispered. She just kept looking into his eyes. "Even when we first met on that train, your were surprised to see me... and recognized me by my scar... but you never pitied me." Harry was astonished he'd never noticed before.

Hermione just smiled at him.

Harry wasn't sure what he was doing, but found himself leaning towards Hermione, who raised her lips to meet his in a soft, sweet kiss. They just stayed like that for a moment. When they pulled away, Hermione laid her head back on Harry's shoulder and they sat in silence till morning. Her presence was soothing to Harry and he could feel his anxiety melting away... the burden would not be his alone, and now he knew that.


End file.
